


Superhero RPF

by LokiOfSassgaard



Category: Loki: Agent of Asgard, Marvel, Marvel 616, Ms. Marvel (Comics)
Genre: Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Gen, Tumblr, fail fandom anon - Freeform, fanfic about fanfic, internet drama, loki's terrible slashfic, mostly canon-compliant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-18
Updated: 2015-11-05
Packaged: 2018-01-12 22:59:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 11,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1203646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LokiOfSassgaard/pseuds/LokiOfSassgaard
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kamala is a popular fic writer in the superhero RPF fandom, known for her rather surreal take on what the Avengers do.  Loki is a BNF, known for his wank and not-sure-if-trollfic in Game of Thrones fandom.  He decides to see what this superhero business is all about.  Friendship ensues.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The formatting doesn't work as well here as it does on LiveJournal. I've tried to ensure it is still readable, though. Sorry about that.
> 
>  
> 
> Also, the names of Volstagg's wife and daughters seem to be constantly in flux. Sometimes his wife is called Hilde, and sometimes she is called Gudrun. As of the last few issues of JiM, she was called Gudrun, and his daughter was Hilde. These are the names I am using.

**Sassgardian** :  
  
Well, that's it. 82 chapters, and almost 200,000 words, and I am finally done with my epic WIP of winning and epicness. Just in time for the hiatus too. I think I might take a break from Game of Thrones for a while. Perhaps do something else while we wait for the next season to commence.  
  
 **73 notes**  
---  
  
* * *

_**PlusFiveToBling** replied to your post: Well, that's it. 82 chapters, and almost 200,000 words, and I..._

> I'm not really in this fandom, but I just read that whole thing! Have you ever written about Thor?

Thor? As in the muscle-bound Norse deity? I can't say that I have.  
---  
  
* * *

_**PlusFiveToBling** replied to your post: PlusFiveToBling replied to your post: Well, that's..._

> You might really like it. I don't know what it's really like where he's from, but the fanon is a lot like how you wrote your GoT fic.

Perhaps I should look into this. Off to the A of Three Os!  
---  
  
* * *

**Sassgardian** : 

> **PlusFiveToBling** : 
>
>> **Sassgardian** :  
>   
>  Well, I can honestly say I never expected to see half of what I just found in the superhero section.
> 
> Is that good or bad?

I find it surprising that people ship Thor and the Hulk. Which is not necessarily a bad thing.  
  
           _#that's not all they ship #not sure if want_  
---  
  
* * *

**deconsecr8or** : 

> **Sassgardian** : 
>
>> **PlusFiveToBling** : 
>>
>>> **Sassgardian** : 
>>>
>>>> **deconsecr8or** : 
>>>>
>>>>> **Sassgardian** :  
>   
>  So, part of New York exploded today. That's a thing that happens sometimes.
>>>> 
>>>> that wouldn't have anything to do with you being in new york today would it?
>>> 
>>> Loveable me? Of course not.
>> 
>> Oh my god, I heard about that. Are you okay? No exploding in Jersey today, thank goodness.
> 
> I was well away from it when it happened. But it's all the people in my building are talking about. I thought New York was more accustomed to this sort of thing. You had to flatten half the town to upset people in Oklahoma.

thats because oklahomas hardcore  
---  
  
* * *

**deconsecr8or** :  
  
bands got a show on saturday. ad&d friday night instead.  
  
      _ **Sassgardian** replied to your post: I may be travelling. I'll have my dice on hand just in case. _  
---  
  
* * *

_**fishbreath** replied to your post: bands got a show on saturday. ad &d friday night instead._

> I need a ride. It's a long walk from Asgardia and father won't let me take the horse alone

what about gunnar?  
  
      _ **fishbreath** replied to your post: No he's in trouble for trying to hide a gryphon under his bed_  
---  
  
* * *

**Sassgardian** :  
  
 **LINK: What Happens in Vegas - Chapter 1 - Sassgardian - Superheroes (Fandom) [Archive of Our Own]**  
  
Chapters: 1  
Fandom: Superheroes (Fandom)  
Rating: Explicit  
Warnings: Author Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings  
Relationships: Miss America/Hawkeye (Female)  
Characters: Miss America, Hawkeye (Female)  
Additional Tags: they do the kissing, and some other stuff, lots of other stuff  
Summary:  
  
The Young Avengers follow a shape-shifting supervillain to Las Vegas, but that is not the important part.  
  
      _ **PlusFiveToBling** replied to your post: Oh hey, you're posting superhero stuff! Maybe focus less on the exact size of their boobs next time though._  
  
      _ **deconsecr8or** replied to your post: dude that was hot. will there be more?_  
---  
  
* * *

### Of Mice And Me - FFA Post #189

**fandom gripes**

_Anonymous_  
Sassgardian's taking a break from Game of Thrones. Good news for Game of Thrones fandom. Bad news for superhero RPF fandom.

>   
> _Anonymous_  
>  Noooooo why
> 
>  _Anonymous_  
>  Oh thank fuck. Even a temporary respite from his wankery is enough to soothe my nerves.
>
>>   
>  _Anonymous_  
>  What's the big deal with him? I'm not into GoT, so I don't know what makes him more special than any other wanker.
>>
>>>   
>  _Anonymous_  
>  What, you mean aside from the fact that he goes into freaky detail about dragon dicks, and anyone who disagrees with his headcanon is Wrong, wrong wrong?
>>> 
>>>  _Anonymous_  
>  Like the anon above mentioned, he acts like he's an irrefutable authority on worldbuilding, and even tends to criticise GRR Martin for his own worldbuilding. This is a pretty good example:
>>> 
>>> hxxp://sassgardian.tumblr.com/post/1153516
>>>
>>>>   
>  _Anonymous_  
>  _A writer of a particular genre should at least take care to research what they're writing. I know this is not how he portrays dragons in his novels, and as such, they are not portrayed properly in the television show. In this instance, I am correct in going against canon. To adhere to canon would be irresponsible, and tantamount to spreading misinformation._
>>>> 
>>>> Oh my god, could this guy get any farther up his own ass?
>>>>
>>>>>   
>  _Anonymous_  
>  You missed the best part, nonnie:
>>>>> 
>>>>>  _And trust me, you do not want to be standing anywhere nearby a pair of mating dragons. You'll be scrubbing your hair out for a week._  
> 
>>
>>>   
>  _Anonymous_  
>  It's not just the dragons, although he is weirdly fixated on them, but he does this about _everything_. He also apparently thinks he is Tyrion, despite being like, six-foot-four.
>>>
>>>>   
>  _Anonymous_  
>  Say what you will about his wankery, but his cosplays are fucking amazing, though. Check out his photo tag on his blog.
>>>>
>>>>>   
>  _Anonymous_  
>  Holy shit, where does he get the money?
> 
>  _Anonymous_  
>  funny, with a name like sassgardian, i would have thought he'd already be in superhero RPF fandom.
>
>>   
>  _Anonymous_  
>  Going by his cosplay, it looks like he already was. He just wasn't writing fic for it yet.

* * *

 **NotTheHawkGuy** asked LokiOfAsgard a question:

Loki, take it down. Please.

* * *

**Sassgardian** : 

> **deconsecr8or** : 
>
>> **Sassgardian** : 
>>
>>> **PlusFiveToBling** : 
>>>
>>>> **Sassgardian** :  
>   
>  My first ever superhero fic got a take-down request. I offer my sincerest apologies, but they did ask nicely. It felt only right to comply.
>>> 
>>> You got a C&D request? I've been writing Avengers fic for like, a year. Nobody's ever told me to take mine down.
>> 
>> I'm just lucky, I guess.
> 
> oh that sucks. does this mean you cant write any at all?

Perhaps no more Young Avengers. More's the pity.  
---  
  
* * *

**WitchDude** : 

> **LokiOfAsgard** :  
>   
>  There's a new diner by my apartment. They do breakfast all day. Who wants to come with?

Are you buying? If so, count us in.  
---  
  
* * *

_**NotTheHawkGuy** replied to your post: There's a new diner by my apartment. They do breakfast all..._

> Oh, you're doing breakfast while I'm broke in LA?

We can come get you! Wait, why are you in LA?  
---  
  
* * *

**Sassgardian** asked PlusFiveToBling a question:

A small group of us are going out for breakfast tonight. If you can get up to Manhattan, you should stop by.

      _ **PlusFiveToBling** replied: I can't. I'm not allowed to go anywhere, and if my parents caught me going to New York, they'd kill me._

 

 

 **Sassgardian** asked PlusFiveToBling a question:

We can pick you up. Isn't sneaking out supposed to be a rite of passage?

      _ **PlusFiveToBling** replied: Sorry, but I better not. Maybe in about ten years, when my parents start letting me talk to other people._

 

 

 **Sassgardian** asked PlusFiveToBling a question:

Parents. Pains in the backside, more like.

* * *

### For Asgardia! - Sassgardian - Superheroes (Fandom) - Archive of Our Own

_Thor stared down the mighty beast, refusing to stand down. The giant stood before him, holding the telephone pole in his hand like a club. The giant would pay for that, Thor vowed. Those lines led to Broxton, and the people of Broxton were under his protection. Though it wanted nothing to do with the residents of the town, they were near enough to Asgardia to be in danger from the giant's very presence._

_"Stand down, creature," Thor warned through gritted teeth. "Return whence you came, and no harm will come to you. You have my word."_

_The giant grinned a sharp-toothed grin. It was all the warning Thor had before the creature swung his telephone pole, wires whipping around like enchanted snakes. Thor swung his hammer to take to the sky, but before he left the ground, the giant's blow struck true. Thor was hurled far across the Oklahoma plain, carving a large gouge where he landed._

_"Very well. Your death, then," said Thor, and he hurled his hammer at the giant._


	2. Chapter 2

### Planet Unicorn - PlusFiveToBling - Superheroes (Fandom) - Archive of Our Own

Words: 38577 | Chapters: 7/7 | Comments: 259 | Kudos: 987 | Bookmarks: 57 | Hits: 9858

**Sassgardian** on Chapter 7  
You have quite the gift for comedy, my friend.

>   
> **PlusFiveToBling** on Chapter 7  
>  hee Thank you! I didn't think you'd read any of my stuff, because it's kinda different from what you write.
>
>>   
> **Sassgardian** on Chapter 7  
>  When getting the feel for a new space, it's wise to learn everything you can about it.
>> 
>> Unfortunately, that means also reading a lot of badfic. Would you like some anti-recs?
>>
>>>   
> **PlusFiveToBling** on Chapter 7  
>  omg I don't know if you're joking or not, but that's mean.

* * *

### Salad Shuffle - FFA Post #193

**Fic Discussion!**

_Anonymous_  
For Asgardia updated today. It only took him three chapters to completely cross the line. He's got to be doing this on purpose.

hxxp://archiveofourown.org/works/10786/chapters/21647

>   
> _Anonymous_  
>  Wow. I knew he was tasteless, but... wow. I don't know what's more offensive. That he put _Loki_ in his fic, or that he's trying to make him a hero.
>
>>   
> _Anonymous_  
>  Wait, did he really?
>> 
>> _Anonymous_  
>  Thank you for that. I usually follow these anti-rec links out of morbid curiosity, and would have been seriously triggered by this. I'm actually upset just reading about it.
>>
>>>   
> _Anonymous_  
>  I'm sorry, nonnie.
>>> 
>>> _Anonymous_  
>  Yeah, it's a seriously shit move. It's superHERO RPF. Not superVILLAIN RPF.
>>>
>>>>   
> _Anonymous_  
>  NA
>>>> 
>>>> Sorry for being ignorant, but what's the difference?
>>>>
>>>>>   
>  _Anonymous_  
>  It's pretty much an unwritten rule of superhero RPF that you don't write about actual villains, and just make up your own threats instead. A lot of people in this fandom are here for catharsis, because they've been affected by this stuff personally. Having a supervillain who might have caused the death of a family member pop up in a fic can be really damaging.
>>>>>
>>>>>>   
>  _Anonymous_  
>  Thank you. That makes a lot of sense, actually.
>>>> 
>>>>  _Anonymous_  
>  As if Loki could ever be a fucking hero. This makes me sick.
>>>>
>>>>>   
>  _Anonymous_  
>  IDK. Don't the Young Avengers sometimes work with someone called Loki? Superheros change their names to ill-advised things all the time. Wiccan used to call himself Asgardian or something, didn't he?
>>>>>
>>>>>>   
>  _Anonymous_  
>  There were rumours, but it's never been proven. They only recently reformed, and then disbanded again almost immediately. Nothing was ever properly documented.
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>   
>  _Anonymous_  
>  But if he's writing THAT Loki, is there really anything wrong with what he's doing? If he did work with the Young Avengers, he probably was a hero.
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>   
>  _Anonymous_  
>  But he's still writing Loki as Thor's brother, and even specifically mentions his part in the Siege of Asgard.
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>   
>  _Anonymous_  
>  People can change, though. Maybe that's what he's trying to get at?
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>   
>  _Anonymous_  
>  It's just not an acceptable thing in the fandom, period.
>
>>   
> _Anonymous_  
>  Can we also talk about how he has no fucking clue how sex even works. His porn is hilariously painful to read.
>>
>>>   
> _Anonymous_  
>  oh god, i know right? did you see the hawkeye/miss america one he wrote, before it got taken down? i don't think he's ever seen a woman in his life.
>>>
>>>>   
> _Anonymous_  
>  AYRT
>>>> 
>>>> No! Why did it get taken down? It's unlike him to pull fic for any reason.
>>>>
>>>>>   
> _Anonymous_  
>  ayrt
>>>>> 
>>>>> he got a take down notice on it, supposedly. it was for young avengers, so probably because one of them is underage.
>>>>>
>>>>>>   
> _Anonymous_  
>  AYRT
>>>>>> 
>>>>>> Gross.

* * *

**Kamala Khan**  
Hey, just to let you know, it's probably not a good idea to have actual supervillains in your fic. It's really good, and I like what you're doing with it so far, but you might want to just keep it drawer fic.  
  
 **Sassgardian**  
But he's not a villain. He's a loveable scamp with a heart of gold.  
  
Honestly. He was part of the Young Avengers and everything. I follow him on Tumblr.  
  
 **Kamala Khan**  
He's on Tumblr?  
  
 **Sassgardian**  
hxxp://lokiofasgard.tumblr.com  
  
 **Kamala Khan**  
That looks like a food blog. It's just pictures of bacon and pancakes.  
  
 **Sassgardian**  
I know! It's great!  
  
 **Kamala Khan**  
Oh, wow. I think you're right. Is that Wiccan he's talking to?  
  
 **Sassgardian**  
He talks to Hawkeye a lot too. The cute one, not the hunky one.  
  
 **Kamala Khan**  
omg  
  
---  
  
* * *

**Sassgardian** :  
  
After much thought and deliberation, I have decided not to edit my story. I will keep it as it is, and shall not be changing any elements. Nor shall I apologise.  
  
 **175 notes**  
---  
  
* * *

**NotTheHawkGuy** asked LokiOfAsgard a question:

Everything all right?

      _ **LokiOfAsgard** replied: Nothing out of the ordinary. It's almost like being back in Asgardia, only with less punching._

 

 

**NotTheHawkGuy** asked LokiOfAsgard a question:

You know, I've been craving waffles lately. Like, it's all I can think about.

      _ **LokiOfAsgard** replied: I am there. Locate the nearest eatery of your choice, and make sure they have an extensive breakfast menu._

* * *

**Sassgardian** : 

> **PlusFiveToBling** : 
>
>> **Sassgardian** : 
>>
>>> **PlusFiveToBling** : 
>>>
>>>> **Sassgardian** :  
>   
>  It's been a while since I've been kicked out of a dining establishment. Oh, the memories.
>>> 
>>> Do you ever eat at home? That's the fourth time this week you've mentioned going out.
>> 
>> Sometimes I have friends over, and we'll order something in. I've never had the patience for cooking though.
> 
> How are you not completely broke?

I'm just lucky, I guess.  
---  
  
* * *

**PlusFiveToBling** :  
  
 **LINK: Iron Thunder - Chapter 1 - PlusFiveToBling - Superheroes (Fandom) [Archive of Our Own]**  
  
Chapters: 1/1  
Fandom: Superheroes (Fandom)  
Rating: Mature  
Warnings: Author Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings  
Relationships: Thor/Iron Man  
Characters: Thor, Iron Man, Captain America  
Additional Tags: awesome battles, UST, inappropriate use of mjolnir  
Summary:   
  
Thor, Iron Man, and Captain America respond to a crisis in Florida. And then things get out of hand.  
  
      _ **Sassgardian** replied to your post: Well, there's a mental image I may never be rid of._  
---  
  
* * *

**fishbreath** : 

> **Sassgardian** : 
>
>> **fishbreath** : 
>>
>>> **deconsecr8or** : 
>>>
>>>> **Sassgardian** : 
>>>>
>>>>> **deconsecr8or** : 
>>>>>
>>>>>> **Sassgardian** : 
>>>>>>
>>>>>>> **deconsecr8or** :  
>   
>  i can't believe the cops got called
>>>>>> 
>>>>>> Worth it.
>>>>> 
>>>>> you are a great big bag of dicks sometimes you know that?
>>>> 
>>>> True, but I am also the best DM you're ever going to meet, so I'd say it all balances out in the end.
>>> 
>>> yeah pretty much
>> 
>> My father says if it happens again, I can't play with you guys any more. Something about ruining his reputation.
> 
> Your father used to know how to have fun. What ever happened to him?

I'm telling him you said that.  
---  
  
* * *

**Kamala Khan**  
You DM? That's so cool.  
  
 **Sassgardian**  
Back in Oklahoma, yes. I don't have a New York group. But I could probably cobble one together if you're interested.  
  
 **Kamala Khan**  
I am, but my parents would never let me. Because you're a boy and I'm not allowed to even look at boys until I'm 28.  
  
Wait, do you live in Oklahoma or New York? I'm confused.  
  
 **Sassgardian**  
Both, in a way. I have an apartment in New York, but 'home' is technically Oklahoma.  
  
 **Kamala Khan**  
lol Are you a cowboy?  
  
 **Sassgardian**  
Broxton doesn't have any cowboys that I'm aware of.  
  
 **Kamala Khan**  
omg You're from Broxton? No wonder you know so much about all the Thor stuff. That is so cool!  
  
Have you ever seen him?  
  
Thor, I mean.  
  
 **Sassgardian**  
Oh, yes. All the time. He just drank all my beer yesterday.  
  
 **Kamala Khan**  
No he didn't.  
  
 **Sassgardian**  
Cross my heart.  
  
 **Kamala Khan**  
lol  
---  
  
* * *

**Sassgardian** :  
  
 **LINK: Love is What You Make of It - Chapter 1 - Sassgardian - Superheroes (Fandom) [Archive of Our Own]**  
  
Chapters: 1/1  
Fandom: Superheroes (Fandom)  
Rating: Explicit  
Warnings: Author Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings  
Relationships: Black Widow/Hawkeye (Male)  
Characters: Black Widow, Hawkeye (Male)  
Additional Tags: hugging for warmth, and other reasons, mostly other reasons, because sex  
Summary:   
  
Black Widow and Hawkeye go to the Italian Alps on a mission. It goes bad. The mission, not the Alps.  
  
      _ **deconsecr8or** replied to your post: very nice_  
  
      _ **PlusFiveToBling** replied to your post: omg You totally have a crush on Hawkeye, don't you?_  
---  
  
* * *

**Someone** asked Sassgardian a question:

Could you please tag your porn?

      _ **LokiOfAsgard** replied: It was marked explicit. That's tagged enough, I should think._

           _#porn #porn #porn #porn #porn #porn #porn #porn #porn #porn #porn_

* * *

  
**PlusFiveToBling** : 

> **Sassgardian** :  
>   
>  Trying out my new Hawkguy outfit.

Wow, that looks just like the one he wears. You've even got the patches!  
---  
  
* * *

**NotTheHawkGuy** asked LokiOfAsgard a question:

Ooh, buster. You better give that back. How did you even get that from him?

      _ **LokiOfAsgard** replied: :D_

* * *

### For Asgardia! - Sassgardian - Superheroes (Fandom) - Archive of Our Own

_Loki and Thor stood back to back, each with their weapons raised. While Loki's dagger wasn't as imposing as the hammer Thor held aloft, it had power of its own. Power so great, he dared not ever mention it, lest Asgardia's fear of him become too much. Some fear was good; fear that commanded respect. But Asgardia's fear of Loki already verged on inciting hateful, angry mobs at his very mention. It was a very counter-productive fear._

_All around them, the trolls circled in closer. Ulik led the war party, and had painted his face with the blood of an Asgardian slain earlier in the battle. It wasn't typical troll behaviour, but Loki knew why he had done it._

_"Ulik, I shall kill you for this," Thor said, his voice thunder and storm._

_Ulik raised his axe. "You shall die trying, Asgardian!"_

_The trollish war party all rushed at the brothers, weapons raised and teeth bared. Thor waited not for them to get close, and summoning the power of the heavens, he brought Mjolnir down to the ground, and with it lightning and earthquakes that shook the entire realm. The trolls were all thrown back like ragdolls, while Loki, close behind Thor, remained untouched by the elemental magic._

_"At least give me a chance," said Loki, almost disappointed that he hadn't got to fight._

_"Take this one," Thor said. He pointed with Mjolnir at a troll that had already got to its feet and was running at the brothers._

_The troll was bigger than Loki, but it mattered not. With his dagger in hand, he slashed toward the troll, drawing not only blood, but its very lifeforce. The troll howled in rage and in pain, but did not yield, and so Loki slashed again. Even the smallest nick to the creature's skin bore unbearable agony to the troll, bringing its very lifeforce into the blade. With each life the dagger took, it grew stronger, and with its strength, it took only the smallest slashes from its blade to fell a foe. Had Thor not been so preoccupied with foes of his own, he may have even noticed._

* * *

**Kamala Khan**  
Hey, do you have time to read over something for me? I can't quite get it right and I'm not sure what's wrong with it.  
  
 **Sassgardian**  
Do you have it uploaded to a Google Document?  
  
 **Kamala Khan**  
Yeah, let me share it with you.  
  
 **Sassgardian**  
Oh, you're writing Thor fic.  
  
 **Kamala Khan**  
I highlighted where I'm starting to have problems.  
  
 **Sassgardian**  
That's not how Thor flies with his hammer. He has to swing it around and then he throws it and gets pulled along. Terribly undignified really. He just manages to make it look good.  
  
 **Kamala Khan**  
Wow, really? I guess you've probably seen him do it up close, huh?  
  
 **Sassgardian**  
A few times.  
  
Asgardia isn't a monarchy any more. Or they're trying not to be, anyway. There's the start of a senate and everything.  
  
 **Kamala Khan**  
Oh cool. How come that never made it into the news?  
  
 **Sassgardian**  
Because Asgardia thinks it's nobody's business.  
  
Ah yes, I see what you mean. Get rid of the thees and thous and dosts. They don't actually speak like that. And if they do, it's just because they think it's funny. Mostly they just sound like anyone else.  
  
 **Kamala Khan**  
And you think that should fix it?  
  
 **Sassgardian**  
Verily.  
---  
  
* * *

**fishbreath** : 

> **deconsecr8or** : 
>
>> **Sassgardian** : 
>>
>>> **deconsecr8or** : 
>>>
>>>> **Sassgardian** : 
>>>>
>>>>> **PlusFiveToBling** : 
>>>>>
>>>>>> **Sassgardian** :  
>   
>  I would like to take a moment to discuss the topic of Asgardia, as it has a large presence in the superhero fandom. I can see Asgardia from my window. Having spent much time around these people, living with the consequences of their battles and sqabbles, I would consider myself something of an expert on the topic.  
>   
>  _Read More_
>>>>> 
>>>>> Wow, that was really interesting. Those pictures are amazing!
>>>> 
>>>> There are a great many more on my  imgur album.
>>> 
>>> isnt the drinking age really low? we should go up there some time
>> 
>> I declare our next AD&D game should commence in the mead hall!
> 
> this sounds like an excellent idea. nothing could possibly go wrong.

I won't even have to borrow the horse!  
  
 **213 notes**  
---  
  
* * *

### Space: It's full of stars - FFA Post #194

**hxxp://sassgardian.tumblr.com/posts/1245832**

_Anonymous_  
Sassgardian declares himself to be an expert on all things Asgardia.

*popcorn.gif*

>   
> _Anonymous_  
>  Well, if he does live right there, is it really so much of a stretch to believe he might actually know something about what goes on?
>
>>   
> _Anonymous_  
>  I don't think he really does, though. All of his selfie pics are from around New York.
>>
>>>   
> _Anonymous_  
>  ayrt
>>> 
>>> Maybe he just moved there? I don't know, a lot of what he says in that post seems pretty legit.
>>> 
>>> _Anonymous_  
>  He posted an imgur album. He's got a few selfies with Thor in there, and they do look like they were taken in Oklahoma.
>>> 
>>> hxxp://sassgardian.imgur.com/all
>>>
>>>>   
> _Anonymous_  
>  DA
>>>> 
>>>> Broxton's a huge tourist destination, though. Are you sure that's really Thor, and not just a look-alike?
>>>>
>>>>>   
>  _Anonymous_  
>  lol I wouldn't call Broxton a huge anything.
>>>>> 
>>>>>  _Anonymous_  
>  it looks like thor to me. 
>>>> 
>>>> _Anonymous_  
>  Suddenly, his dragon dicks have a whole new context to them.
>>>>
>>>>>   
>  _Anonymous_  
>  omg
>>>>> 
>>>>>  _Anonymous_  
>  Does Asgardia have dragons?
>>>>>
>>>>>>   
>  _Anonymous_  
>  hxxp://i.imgur.com/NDadsf45.png
>>>>>> 
>>>>>> That looks rather dragony to me.
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>   
>  _Anonymous_  
>  Holy shit
>>>>>>> 
>>>>>>>  _Anonymous_  
>  Whoa. Mind blown.
>>>>>>> 
>>>>>>>  _Anonymous_  
>  Shop? It's a shop, right? It's got to be a shop.
>>>>>>> 
>>>>>>>  _Anonymous_  
>  Now I want to know why he's been close enough to see what their dicks look like.
>>>> 
>>>>  _Anonymous_  
>  Okay, but he's still an asshat. Could that post possibly be any more condescending?
>>>>
>>>>>   
>  _Anonymous_  
>  +1
>>>>> 
>>>>>  _Anonymous_  
>  +2

* * *

**LokiOfAsgard** :  
  
Why do they always call when I'm right in the middle of something?  
  
           _#at least i wasn't in the shower this time_  
---


	3. Chapter 3

**Kate**

  
  


photo.jpg  
Are you guys recruiting again?

  
  
Who is that?  
  
Is that Captain Marvel?  
  
  


That was precisely what I thought as well. Though it was dark, the person behind the domino mask did not look familiar. Her hair was the wrong colour, for one.

  
  
  
No, I haven't heard anything about getting the band back together. I'm still in LA.  
  
  


Then who the Hel was that?

  
  
  
More importantly, what were you doing in a creepy abandoned warehouse last night?  
  
  


I *was* following the trail of a particularly nasty creature in the hopes that it might lead me to the particularly nasty villain that's been smuggling weapons out of Asgardia, but then our friend in the stolen costume decided I was the villain.

  
  
  
It's the horns. You look like you're either going for an evil Satanic sorcerer thing, or you're trying to make a very terrible pun about your current mood.  
  
  


Well. Yes.

  
  
  
To which one?  
  
Wait, don't answer that.   
---  
  
* * *

**NotYourBarista** : 

> **PlusFiveToBling** : 
>
>> **Nakikia** : 
>>
>>> **NotYourBarista** : 
>>>
>>>> **PlusFiveToBling** :  
>   
>  Last night was so weird. I can't believe it's morning already. Can I just sleep all day please?
>>> 
>>> God, tell me about it. Nacho Creep was back last night. It took me an hour to get rid of him.
>> 
>> I see your Nacho Creep and raise you Phantom Dog.
> 
> Phantom Dog actually scares me. Nacho Creep, you can at least call the cops on. You still don't know where it comes from?

Well, it was a full moon last night. Lots of scary things happening.   
---  
  
* * *

**Kamala Khan**  
Are you doing Cape Swap?  
  
 **Sassgardian**  
No, but I think I want to. What is it?  
  
 **Kamala Khan**  
hxxp://capeswap.livejournal.com  
  
Sign ups are open for another week.  
  
 **Sassgardian**  
Oh, most excellent. People have begun posting their letters already. I shall have to sign up.  
  
 **Kamala Khan**  
You can request individuals, or teams. I requested Iron Man, Thor, and the Avengers  
  
 **Sassgardian**  
Isn't that just a sneaky way of requesting the Avengers three times?  
  
 **Kamala Khan**  
No. Shh  
  
 **Sassgardian**  
Thor appears to be the only Asgardian on the character list.  
  
 **Kamala Khan**  
I guess nobody nominated the rest. Who else is there?  
  
 **Sassgardian**  
Pick anybody from the myths. And then some.  
  
 **Kamala Khan**  
I don't actually know the myths very well. Funny enough, they never come up.  
  
 **Sassgardian**  
Well, there's Sif. Everyone's afraid to her, and with good reason. She's even worse than Thor when it comes to solving problems by hitting them.  
  
She and Thor may be having some sort of tryst, but I'm not sure.  
  
Heimdall more or less just stands around all day. With no bifrost to guard, I guess he's out of a job.  
  
 **Kamala Khan**  
I wonder if Asgardia has unemployment benefits.  
  
 **Sassgardian**  
Perhaps it's something their new government can work towards.   
---  
  
* * *

  
  
**fishbreath** : 

> **deconsecr8or** : 
>
>> **Sassgardian** : 
>>
>>> **deconsecr8or** : 
>>>
>>>> **fishbreath** : 
>>>>
>>>>> **Sassgardian** : 
>>>>>
>>>>>> **deconsecr8or** : 
>>>>>>
>>>>>>> **Sassgardian** : 
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> **PlusFiveToBling** : 
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> **Sassgardian** :  
>   
>  A few pics from this week's AD&D game. They're not usually this wild. Even when we do have local law enforcement called to our location.
>>>>>>>> 
>>>>>>>> WOW! You guys are actually in Asgardia! Is that Thor? Can you get me his autorgraph? Or sorry, is that a rude thing to ask?
>>>>>>> 
>>>>>>> I can ask next time I'm up there. I told you, we're very close. I doubt he'd mind at all.
>>>>>> 
>>>>>> i think thors still mad at me over that whole deconsecrator thing. i dont think he was very happy about me being there
>>>>> 
>>>>> I am sorry to have missed the whole Deconsecrator thing. That's the sort of thing I live for.
>>>> 
>>>> You didn't miss much. We all slept through it.
>>> 
>>> dude it was awesome. except for when it tried to kill us. that was not awesome
>> 
>> Perhaps we should pay the Mares a visit some time.
> 
> NO

REALLY NO  
---  
  
* * *

**Kamala Khan**  
I didn't think you could get into Asgardia. How does that work? Do you need a passport or something?  
  
 **Sassgardian**  
Asgardia has an open border, technically. Anyone can enter, so long as you know how to get in, which usually requires knowing the right people.  
  
 **Kamala Khan**  
Ugh, I wish I didn't live in freaking Jersey. I want to go so bad.  
  
 **Sassgardian**  
Asking your parents to let you take a weekend trip is out of the question, I presume?  
  
 **Kamala Khan**  
So far out of the question I might as well be speaking Japanese when I ask them.  
  
 **Sassgardian**  
And I thought my parents were unreasonable. At least I was allowed to leave the house.  
  
 **Kamala Khan**  
It's not that I'm not allowed to do ***anything***. They're just very strict about some things. I was born here, but they weren't, and that's a big part of it I think.  
  
 **Sassgardian**  
Where were they born?  
  
 **Kamala Khan**  
Pakistan  
  
 **Sassgardian**  
Cool  
  
 **Kamala Khan**  
Really?  
  
 **Sassgardian**  
I think so. They've been somewhere I haven't. That's pretty cool.  
  
 **Kamala Khan**  
I guess.   
---  
  
* * *

### For Asgardia! - Sassgardian - Superheroes (Fandom) - Archive of Our Own

_As Loki climbed the tower, he wondered why he was there. Why was he even doing this? He could have been anywhere else, enjoying himself in any of the realms, but no. He was climbing some crumbling old tower in Alfheim, because someone had to do it. And it couldn't be Thor, because he was busy on the ground, making sure nobody followed Loki up the side of the tower. The elves didn't even care about what was in the tower. They just cared that the tower was being besieged by two Asgardians. And they were angry that two Asgardians was all it took to besiege them. What an entire army of trolls or dwarfs would have managed, Thor and Loki alone accomplished._

_Loki could hear beneath him the sounds of battle, while above him the sky grew dark and angry with storm. He worried that in his frenzy, Thor might call down lighting and strike him instead of an elf. He knew from experience that the horns he wore worked annoyingly well as lightning rods, and he knew he should have taken them off. But he didn't. For one, the horns were seriously cool and not at all dorky, and for two, he hadn't his hands free to take them off even if he wanted to. He was too busy scaling the side of a crumbling old tower and trying not to fall off or get struck by lightning._

_He reached the highest window just as the deafening roar of thunder and blinding flash of lightning filled the air. He tumbled inside, and that was when he found himself face-to-face with a storm giant._

* * *

### Banana Hammock Republic - FFA Post #196

  
**Exchanges/Challenges/Fests/etc - Cape Swap**

_Anonymous_  
Assignments went out today! Tell us about yours, nonnies!

>   
> _Anonymous_  
>  SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
> 
> _Anonymous_  
>  omg omg omg I love mine! I love my recip's fic and now I'm all worried because what if mine's not good enough, but also EEEEEEEEE!
>
>>   
> _Anonymous_  
>  haha me too, nonnie. I'm having that exact same emotion right now.
>>
>>>   
> _Anonymous_  
>  Not me. I got assigned to write for a wanker.
>>>
>>>>   
> _Anonymous_  
>  Let me guess: Sassgardian?
>>>>
>>>>>   
>  _Anonymous_  
>  Kind of hijacking this thread for a minute, but since you brought him up. Did anyone see hxxp://sassgardian.tumblr.com/posts/1268245
>>>>> 
>>>>> I think that settles it. He really is from Broxton.
>>>>>
>>>>>>   
>  _Anonymous_  
>  Yeah, apparently his AD&D games are pretty wild. I don't even play AD&D, but I kind of want to sit in on one of their sessions just for the lol factor.
>>>>>> 
>>>>>>  _Anonymous_  
>  Does it bother anyone else that he plays AD&D with a girl that looks like she's barely old enough to be in high school?
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>   
>  _Anonymous_  
>  If she's Asgardian, which I think she is, she's probably older than all of us put together.
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>   
>  _Anonymous_  
>  Yeah, but she's still mentally a child, isn't she?
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>   
>  _Anonymous_  
>  ayrt
>>>>>>>>> 
>>>>>>>>> I'm not actually sure how it works with them. The US government gives them a lot of exemptions on a lot of things, because of how they're technically aliens or something. I do know that much.
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>   
>  _Anonymous_  
>  DA
>>>>>>>>>> 
>>>>>>>>>> According to **this site** (hxxp://travel.state.gov/content/visas/asgardia-english.html) the border between Asgardia and the US is completely open in ways that make the US/Canada border jealous. They don't need any paperwork to travel, and we don't need any paperwork to get in. But if they want to actually live here, or if they look like they're under 21 and they want to go to a bar or whatever, there's a certain visa they can apply for.
>>>>>>>>>> 
>>>>>>>>>> I can't find anything on age of majority in Asgardia. Which means they either don't have one, or they just haven't documented anything on the subject yet. I'm almost leaning toward the first, but I'm not sure.
>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>   
>  _Anonymous_  
>  Mostly correct! Asgardia has no official "legal age," though there are some activities which are just more socially-acceptable after a certain age. With non-alcoholic beverages have been made readily available now, it's not quite so common to see young children drinking ale at dinner. Though some old-fashioned families will still allow their children to partake. As for co-ed activities, that generally befalls to the parents' judgement. Hilde and Gunnar's parents know they play AD&D with us, and their father was even present in some of the photos I posted. All is well, and you need not worry.
>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>   
>  _Anonymous_  
>  Speak his name, and he shall be summoned.
>>>>>>>>>>>> 
>>>>>>>>>>>>  _Anonymous_  
>  God, that place is so weird.
>>>>>>>>>>>> 
>>>>>>>>>>>>  _Anonymous_  
>  So, you're saying any random kid from Broxton could just walk in and get drunk, and that's legal? That sounds like a lawsuit waiting to happen.
>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>   
>  _Anonymous_  
>  Of course they can. If they can figure out how to get into a city that sits twenty feet above the plain.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>   
>  _Anonymous_  
>  alright. how do you get in then?
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>   
>  _Anonymous_  
>  Through the front door.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>   
>  _Anonymous_  
>  ugh, you're such an ass.
>>>> 
>>>>  _Anonymous_  
>  What did he request?
>>>>
>>>>>   
>  _Anonymous_  
>  DA
>>>>> 
>>>>> I just went through the request summary, and nothing I'd really consider trollish or impossible to fill, tbqh. Black Widow/Hawkguy, Avengers teamfic, and Thor solo. He makes no mention, either in his sign-up or his letter, of Loki or any other villain.
>>>>>
>>>>>>   
>  _Anonymous_  
>  Yeah, it's not that his requests are something I don't feel I can write for. I just don't want to write for him. I'm not going to drop out or anything. I guess I'm just bitter
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>   
>  _Anonymous_  
>  That's understandable, I think. A few years ago for a swap for another fandom, I got paired with a notorious wanker. One who would actually go after other people in the fandom and attack them for daring to ship anything other than her precious babies. I am not ashamed to say that I did drop out of that swap.
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>   
>  _Anonymous_  
>  Ew. I'd have dropped out as well. I hate people like that.
>>>>>>>> 
>>>>>>>>  _Anonymous_  
>  da
>>>>>>>> 
>>>>>>>> yeah, at least all sassgardian does is preach on his own blog. i've never seen him actually go out and start wank. he just lets it come to him.
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>   
>  _Anonymous_  
>  ayrt
>>>>>>>>> 
>>>>>>>>> God, any fandom he's in would explode forever if he was any more of an active wanker. Thank god his is only passive wank.
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>   
>  _Anonymous_  
>  na
>>>>>>>>>> 
>>>>>>>>>> Passive Wank is going to be the name of my band.
>>>>>> 
>>>>>>  _Anonymous_  
>  Is it bad that I'm considering writing a treat for that Black Widow/Hawkguy prompt?
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>   
>  _Anonymous_  
>  i'm kind of eyeing that avengers prompt, honestly.
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>   
>  _Anonymous_  
>  Same here, nonnie.
>>>>>>>> 
>>>>>>>>  _Anonymous_  
>  What's the etiquette of using a prompt, but not actually gifting it to the prompter?
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>   
>  _Anonymous_  
>  Kinda douchey, I think.
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>   
>  _Anonymous_  
>  +1
>>>>>>>>> 
>>>>>>>>>  _Anonymous_  
>  I don't know. I think it might be okay if you never mention that you got the prompt from an exchange request summary.
>>>>>>>>> 
>>>>>>>>>  _Anonymous_  
>  Probably not a good idea, since he's right here in the thread.
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>   
>  _Anonymous_  
>  Not everything is about him, you know. I could have been referring to literally any of the other dozens of people participating.
>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>   
>  _Anonymous_  
>  lol sure you were

* * *

**Kamala Khan**  
How's your Cape Swap assignment? Anything good?  
  
 **Sassgardian**  
I was matched on the prompt for Thor, but I am strongly considering writing for their Young Avengers prompt instead.  
  
The jury is, as they say, still out.  
  
 **Kamala Khan**  
I have noooooooo idea what I'm going to do for mine lol  
  
At least we have two months to work on it. Why did I offer the X-men? This is always what happens!  
  
 **Sassgardian**  
Why DID you offer the X-men?  
  
 **Kamala Khan**  
Because I needed a fifth offer and picked something at random.  
  
 **Sassgardian**  
That was incredibly unwise.  
  
 **Kamala Khan**  
Yes it was. I regret this decision immediately.   
---  
  
* * *

**LokiOfAsgard** asked NotTheHawkGuy a question:

Would you be terribly upset if I wrote fic about you and Billy? I absolutely, cross my heart, promise it will be completely gen and G-rated, with nothing untoward said about either of you.

      _ **NotTheHawkGuy** replied: It wasn't the fact that you wrote a story about me that was upsetting. It was the content. If you absolutely, no fingers crossed, swear on your life to keep it Disney, yes. You can write a story about me._

 

 

**LokiOfAsgard** asked NotTheHawkGuy a question:

Yay!

      _ **NotTheHawkGuy** replied: I'm going to regret this, aren't I?_

 

 

**LokiOfAsgard** asked NotTheHawkGuy a question:

:D

      _ **NotTheHawkGuy** replied: Yep. I'm going to regret this._

 

* * *

**LokiOfAsgard** : 

> **MsStarsAndStripes**
>
>> **super-smrt** : 
>>
>>> **babby-hulk** : 
>>>
>>>> **WitchDude** : 
>>>>
>>>>> **LokiOfAsgard** :  
>   
>  I have to do some running around tonight. Anyone want to come with me?
>>>> 
>>>> I am so sick of running away from things.
>>> 
>>> That makes two of us
>> 
>> What cosmic horrors has he pissed off this time?
> 
> Is this another mess of his we have to clean up?

Fine, I'll go alone!  
  
           _#all by myself #alone #forever alone #cry moar_  
---


	4. Chapter 4

  
  
**Sassgardian** : 

> **NotYourBarista** : 
>
>> **PlusFiveToBling** : 
>>
>>> **Sassgardian** :  
>   
>  Started work on a new Iron Man suit. This one may take a while to put together, but I think it will be worth it.
>> 
>> Woah, it even lights up.
> 
> Dude, how long did that take? That looks just like the real thing.

Not terribly long, actually. Most of the hard work was just gathering the materials for it.  
  
 **1,568 notes**  
---  
  
* * *

**Someone** asked Sassgardian a question:

OMG your cosplays are SO GOOD. How do you make that stuff? Everything's, like PERFECT. You should do costumes for the movies!

      _ **Sassgardian** replied: They are rather good, aren't they?_

* * *

**Kamala Khan**  
Help, I'm stuck!  
  
 **Sassgardian**  
I'll grab the crowbar.  
  
 **Kamala Khan**  
Not like that.  
  
I've got Wolverine and Gambit separated from the rest, and now I don't know what to do with them.  
  
 **Sassgardian**  
Is this Wolverine/Gambit, or Wolverine  & Gambit?  
  
 **Kamala Khan**  
Wolverine/Gambit  
  
 **Sassgardian**  
That is a quandary, indeed.  
  
Is it a situation where they might need to huddle together for warmth?  
  
 **Kamala Khan**  
Ooh, no. But I think it can be.  
  
 **Sassgardian**  
Huh. Now I'm starting to wonder if Wolverine can freeze to death. Or if he'd just be another Captain America, and find himself in stasis until someone came along and thawed him out.  
  
 **Kamala Khan**  
I'm now picturing Wolverine in a giant block of ice.  
  
 **Sassgardian**  
So am I.  
---  
  
* * *

**Sassgardian** : 

> **fishbreath** : 
>
>> **Sassgardian** : 
>>
>>> **deconsecr8or** : 
>>>
>>>> **Sassgardian** :  
>   
>  Ex-girlfriends are scary. Especially when you can't remember what you did to make them hate you.
>>> 
>>> hahahaha sucks to be you
>> 
>> Oh, shut up.
> 
> Which one was it? Was it Lorelei? I bet it was Lorelei.

It was none of your business.  
---  
  
* * *

### For Asgardia! - Sassgardian - Superheroes (Fandom) - Archive of Our Own

_Thor looked around, trying to see what he could in the pitch darkness that surrounded him. There were creatures there, hiding in the shadow, and though they spoke in whispers, Thor could not hear them. But he knew they were there all the same. How many were there, however, he could not say. Dozens, hundreds. Thousands? He had only Mjolnir to protect him, and a treacherous thought told him that this time, Mjolnir may not be enough. He cursed his brother for betraying him; cursed himself for trusting him._

_But no. Loki would not betray him, and Thor knew it. Though it may sometimes seem as if Loki had abandoned him to his fate, he knew that there was always a plan. Loki always schemed for any possible outcome, and never shared these schemes because there was never the time to do so. Loki had never told Thor even this much, but somehow, Thor knew it to be true. Loki had not abandoned him. He may have been using Thor for bait, but he had not led him there to die. Bolstered by this, Thor raised Mjolnir and bared his teeth at the darkness._

_"You hide like cowards. Show yourselves!" he commanded._

_Something hissed but scant inches from Thor's face, and it reeked of death and decay._

_"What brings you here, little Aesir?" it asked._

_Thor swung his mighty battle hammer without warning, and though he could not see it in his own hand, he felt as it struck true. "Vengeance," he said, as the void around him erupted into deafening shrieks._

* * *

### Apocalypse Yesterday - FFA Post #199

  
**Things You Wouldn't Admit Unanon**

_Anonymous_  
I'm really liking For Asgardia. I know we're not supposed to, but I can't help it.

>   
> _Anonymous_  
>  The prose could be better, but I'll admit the plot's got me hooked.
> 
>  _Anonymous_  
>  Yeah, I'm starting to think he is using the Loki that may or may not have been part of the Young Avengers, and just slotting him into the role that the other Loki had wrt Asgard/ia. And now I'm actually starting to get curious about the Young Avengers.
>
>>   
>  _Anonymous_  
>  I really wish that team was documented better. I know he's from Broxton, but I think he might just be confused and thinks that they're the same person?
>>
>>>   
>  _Anonymous_  
>  DA
>>> 
>>> Well, if Tumblr accounts count for anything, there's hxxp://lokiofasgard.tumblr.com
>>> 
>>> It does seem like this guy's connected with YA somehow, and if his url is to be believed, is from Asgard/ia. Maybe it's just a really popular name.
>>>
>>>>   
>  _Anonymous_  
>  da
>>>> 
>>>> Yeah, look at this
>>>> 
>>>> hxxp://lokiofasgard.tumblr.com/posts/45242546
>>>> 
>>>> This was the last photo he posted. He looks about twelve. Maybe that's why it wasn't documented. They probably didn't want to get in trouble for having actual children on their team. I know it's different for people from Asgardia, but not everyone does know that. Most people would see him and think he was just a regular kid.
>>>>
>>>>>   
>  _Anonymous_  
>  Aw, look at them! They're all so happy together. Why'd they disband, I wonder?
>>>>>
>>>>>>   
>  _Anonymous_  
>  Weren't able to balance their grades and fighting crime?
>>>>>> 
>>>>>>  _Anonymous_  
>  IDK, but Hawkeye's in LA. She's trying to become a private detective, apparently.
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>   
>  _Anonymous_  
>  lol she's not being very private about it.
> 
>  _Anonymous_  
>  I was liking it, until I saw this post.
> 
> hxxp://sassgardian.tumblr.com/posts/6234859
>
>>   
>  _Anonymous_  
>  NA
>> 
>> Yep, thanks for the reminder, nonnie. I was starting to forget why he bothers me so much.
>> 
>>  _Anonymous_  
>  ugh and i was starting to think we'd be spared this sort of bullshit.
>> 
>>  _Anonymous_  
>  The annoying part is that I agree with him on this, but he's such an ass about it that I don't want him on my side.
>>
>>>   
>  _Anonymous_  
>  I know right? I think that's the most frustrating thing about that post.

* * *

**Sassgardian** :  
  
If I see one more fic with that bad "olde English" with thee and thou and thy everywhere, I am going to punch something through a wall. That is not how Asgardians speak. For that matter, they use contractions. These people are Asgardians, not robots. Unless you happen to be writing an AU in which all Asgardians are robots, please take care how you write their speech. Otherwise, you do everyone a disservice.  
  
 **213 notes**  
---  
  
* * *

**Someone** asked Sassgardian a question:

lol who the hell makes you the authority on these things? Why is your headcanon any better or more valid than anyone else's?

      _ **Sassgardian** replied: Because I rutting live there. It's not headcanon. It's fact._

**74 notes**

* * *

**Kamala Khan**  
Ugh ignore them. You can tell people you have first hand experience with something until you're blue in the face, and they'll still find ways to discredit you.  
  
I mean, not to go all oppression olympics on you, but at least they're just being jerks over something small like this, and not trying to tell you how you should feel about not being white.  
  
 **Sassgardian**  
Actually  
  
I think that was exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you.  
  
 **Kamala Khan**  
:)  
  
How's your assignment coming?  
  
 **Sassgardian**  
I've decided to fill the Young Avengers prompt. It's gen, so I ***shouldn't*** get told to take it down.  
  
 **Kamala Khan**  
That's still weird that your other one got a C &D. I know it happens sometimes, but that's crazy that it happened to you in less than a day.  
  
 **Sassgardian**  
I posted it around to more than a few sites. I suppose it just got seen by someone who didn't want to see it.  
  
 **Kamala Khan**  
lol I guess announcing it everywhere kind of backfired on you, didn't it?  
  
 **Sassgardian**  
I've had worse things backfire. This was relatively minor in the grand scheme of back-fieryness.  
  
 **Kamala Khan**  
I want to ask, but I'm afraid of what you'll tell me.  
  
 **Sassgardian**  
Then perhaps it's best you not ask.  
---  
  
* * *

**Sassgardian** :  
  
 **LINK: Leave The Earth Behind You And Take A Walk In The Sunshine - Chapter 1 - Sassgardian - Superheroes (Fandom) [Archive of Our Own]**  
  
Chapters: 1/1  
Fandom: Superheroes (Fandom)  
Rating: Explicit  
Warnings: Author Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings  
Relationships: Iron Man/Thor  
Characters: Iron Man/Thor  
Additional Tags: more than hugging, a lot more than hugging  
Summary:   
  
Iron Man tries to introduce Thor to some of the less-vanilla aspects of Midgardian sex. Thor has already tried it all.  
  
      _ **deconsecr8or** replied to your post: gross, dude_  
  
      _ **fishbreath** replied to your post: I'm not even going to click on that lol_  
  
      _ **PlusFiveToBling** replied to your post: omg wow. But why did you give exact measurements for Iron Man's dingle-dangle, and then not even mention Thor's?_  
---  
  
* * *

**LokiOfAsgard** : 

> **WitchDude** : 
>
>> **LokiOfAsgard** :  
>   
>  I don't know why I just did that.
> 
> What? Did you finally find a way to out-troll yourself?

I think that is precisely what just happened, yes.  
  
           _#someone take the internet away from me #i think i just sprained something #and not in a good way_  
---  
  
* * *

**Kate**

  
  


Please tell me you're not still in LA

  
  
Okay, I won't.  
  
  


Kate, are you still in LA?

  
  
  
Yeah, why?  
  
  


Damn it!

  
  
  
Why, what's up?  
  
Loki?  
  
Loki? Hello?  
  
LOKI  
  
You are in so much trouble.   
---  
  
* * *

**Bruuuuuuno**

  
  


Can you please do me a super big really huge favor please?

  
  
Uhhhhhh that doesn't make me nervous at all  
  
  


Lokiofasgard.tumblr.com go there please and see if he has a pictures tag

  
  
  
Why me?  
  
  


I have really crappy signal here and can't get 3G at all. Bruno please, this is important.

  
  
  
Is this your internet boyfriend?  
  
  


He's not my internet boyfriend, and this isn't even him! I think this guy might be a double-crossing supervillain. Bruno, please.

  
  
  
Yeah, okay. What am I looking for? Is it the little kid in the funny hat?  
  
  


He's just a kid?  
  
Crap! g2g  
  
---  
  
* * *

**WitchDude** asked LokiOfAsgard a question:

Kate's really worried about you. She says you're ignoring her texts. What's going on?

      _ **LokiOfAsgard** replied: No, not ignoring her. I simply had a rough night, and was hoping she might be able to lend some assistance. Being that she was still in LA, I was forced to find other options. I shall return her texts as soon as I charge my phone._

 

 

**WitchDude** asked LokiOfAsgard a question:

I assume it wasn't the sort of rough night that involved one too many drinks.

      _ **LokiOfAsgard** replied: That would be a correct assumption, yes. Someone seems to be impersonating Captain Marvel, but she's working in a very specific area. One which I find myself needing to be in quite regularly. Either she has assumed I am a villain, or she is a villain herself. There hasn't been much time for chatting, so I can't be sure._

 

 

**WitchDude** asked LokiOfAsgard a question:

Do you mean Ms Marvel?

      _ **LokiOfAsgard** replied: ..._

_I feel rather foolish for missing that._

* * *

**Sassgardian**  
Did you know there's a new Ms Marvel? I just found this out.  
  
 **Kamala Khan**  
Yeah, I think I heard something about that.  
  
She's even here in Jersey, I think.  
  
 **Sassgardian**  
I saw a picture and didn't even recognise her?  
  
 **Kamala Khan**  
There are pictures of her?  
  
 **Sassgardian**  
Indeed.  
  
Well, one anyway. hxxp://imgur.com/afNE45.png  
  
 **Kamala Khan**  
Yeah, wow. I wonder who took that.  
  
 **Sassgardian**  
It doesn't exactly look like an official promo shoot, does it? You can't even see her face.  
  
 **Kamala Khan**  
Are you sure that's Ms Marvel, then?  
  
 **Sassgardian**  
That's just what I've been told.  
  
 **Kamala Khan**  
Oh.  
  
 **Sassgardian**  
Are you well? You seem subdued.  
  
 **Kamala Khan**  
Yeah, sorry. I'm just working on a report that's due tomorrow.  
  
 **Sassgardian**  
In that case, I shall leave you to it.  
---


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologise for the schedule slip. It's been a rough few weeks.

### Capes. Anon. — I am Iron Man

  
**Ms Marvel?**

_Anonymous_  
Have you guys heard any of this? Apparently people in New Jersey are saying that there's a new Ms Marvel in that area. She doesn't seem to travel though, and there have only been a few reports.

>   
> _Anonymous_  
>  This person's posted a picture. I've seen a few others circling around as well
> 
> hxxp://i-am-super-who-avenged-locked.tumblr.com/posts/5451258431
>
>>   
>  _Anonymous_  
>  Looks like she's trying to bring domino masks back into style.
>>
>>>   
>  _Anonymous_  
>  Domino masks will never come back into style.
>>>
>>>>   
>  _Anonymous_  
>  Domino masks never went out of style.
>>>>
>>>>>   
>  _Anonymous_  
>  I'm wearing one right now.
>> 
>>  _Anonymous_  
>  I love her hair
>> 
>>  _Anonymous_  
>  I hate those usernames
>> 
>>  _Anonymous_  
>  She looks really young. But I guess that's a thing these days. The older superheroes are getting older, and now the younger superheroes are getting younger. Something about it makes me kind of uncomfortable, though. Do her parents know what she's doing? Do they approve of it?
>>
>>>   
>  _Anonymous_  
>  My guess is probably no.
>>> 
>>>  _Anonymous_  
>  Didn't Spider-Man start really young, too?
>>>
>>>>   
>  _Anonymous_  
>  DA
>>>> 
>>>> Yeah, but things were different, then.
>>>>
>>>>>   
>  _Anonymous_  
>  na
>>>>> 
>>>>> lol how?
>>>>> 
>>>>>  _Anonymous_  
>  No they weren't. Not unless supervillains were more likely to pull their punches when Spider-Man started out. And I mean, correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't the fact that they DIDN'T pull punches the whole reason the superheroes started to be a thing?
>>>>>
>>>>>>   
>  _Anonymous_  
>  +1
> 
>  **Speaking of recent sightings, these horns sure to look familiar**  
>  _Anonymous_  
>  TW: Loki
> 
> hxxp://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_maq8pts6lw1qgn1u5o1_500.png
> 
> Also spotted in New Jersey, apparently. The picture's really grainy and dark, but he definitely looks new to the scene as well. No word on alignment.
>
>>   
>  _Anonymous_  
>  Please don't change the subject line mid-thread
>>
>>>   
>  **I do what I want!**  
>  _Anonymous_  
> .
>> 
>>  _Anonymous_  
>  This isn't the same one that was rumoured to be with the Young Avengers. He's way too old. That Loki's just a kid.
>>
>>>   
>  _Anonymous_  
>  He's way too young to be the one we're all thinking of though.
>>>
>>>>   
>  _Anonymous_  
>  do we even know for sure that this is _a_ Loki? A lot of Asgardians wear horns apparently.
>> 
>>  _Anonymous_  
>  I love his coat. I wish you could see more of it.
>>
>>>   
>  _Anonymous_  
>  He looks like an Asgardian pimp.
>>>
>>>>   
>  _Anonymous_  
>  Now that you say it, yes he does.
>> 
>>  _Anonymous_  
>  I ship it.
>> 
>>  _Anonymous_  
>  Horns are way too small.
>> 
>>  _Anonymous_  
>  It's hard to tell, because of the low quality of the picture, but I swear I have seen him somewhere before.
>>
>>>   
>  _Anonymous_  
>  Maybe his secret identity is that hot guy you see at your mailbox every day.
>>>
>>>>   
>  _Anonymous_  
>  ayrt
>>>> 
>>>> lol No, the only person I ever see at my mailbox is my 80 year old mail man.

* * *

 **LokiOfAsgard** asked NotTheHawkGuy a question:

I'm really terrible at this secret agent thing, I've come to realise. Actually terrible. Me, terrible at something. I can't believe it.

      _ **NotTheHawkGuy** replied: Your picture's showing up on the internet, isn't it?_

 

 

**LokiOfAsgard** asked NotTheHawkGuy a question:

Yes. Yes it is. And they didn't even have the decency to get me in a flattering light.

      __ **NotTheHawkGuy** replied: Yeah, I know how that feels. Being a private detective isn't exactly easy when everyone and their dog recognises you as a Young Avenger.

But it serves you right for taking pictures of Ms Marvel before she went public.

 

 

**LokiOfAsgard** asked NotTheHawkGuy a question:

Hey! I showed that to exactly two people, and none of the photos of her going around is the one I took.

      _ **NotTheHawkGuy** replied: I guess we just all suck at being secret._

* * *

  


### For Asgardia! - Sassgardian - Superheroes (Fandom) - Archive of Our Own

It must have been bad if the Warriors Three had been called to take arms. Even worse if Lady Sif was there. If the combined might of the sons of Odin could not stop these evil forces, the outlook was very bleak indeed. The warriors took their mounts and drew their weapons, all ready to attack or defend — Fandral, his sword; Volstagg, his axe; Hogun, his mace; and Sif, her glaive. Thor held his ever-present hammer in clenched fist, while Loki had traded his dagger for a whip. The dagger, whilst powerful, came with a huge drawback: it required very close proximity to the thing that was trying to kill him.

Together, the six of them rode forth, Thor at the fore, with Loki at his right and Sif at his left. It was a path ridden by few, and known to even fewer. It would take them straight into the very heart of Muspelheim, where they knew ten thousand fire demons under Surtur's command awaited. They were riding to their death, six Asgardians against legions, but even in their death, they knew they had to be victorious. To fail would be the destruction of the Nine, and so they would not fail.

* * *

**Sassgardian**  
I think someone is attempting to dox me.  
  
 **Kamala Khan**  
What? Why?  
  
 **Sassgardian**  
I'm not sure. I'm wondering if it would be easier to just beat them to it and post the information myself.  
  
 **Kamala Khan**  
Don't do that! That's the opposite of what you want to happen, isn't it?  
  
 **Sassgardian**  
Yes, but if I do it myself, at least it takes the sting out of it. I suppose if I find out who it is, I can pre-emptively do to them what they hope to do to me. They'll be so busy trying to contain the chaos of their own doxxing that they won't have time to focus on me.  
  
 **Kamala Khan**  
That is really mean. Don't do that either.  
  
 **Sassgardian**  
Hmm.  
  
---  
  
* * *

**Kate**

  
  


You're a private detective, are you not?

  
  
Trying to be.  
  
  


I wish to hire your services. Post haste.

  
  
Whyyyyyyy?  
  
  


Pack your bags. I require you in New Jersey by Friday.

  
  
  
Loki, it's Tuesday. Even if I left right now, I wouldn't be able to get there by Friday. Not without driving very dangerously.  
  


Kate, you are talking to one of the most skilled users of magic in the Nine Realms. Do you not think I would be able to get you where you are needed?

  
  
I've never actually seen you do magic without having to steal someone else's powers.   
  


Borrow.

  
  
Steal.  
  


I'll pay you.

  
  
How much?   
  


$5000

  
  
$10000   
  


Deal.

  
  
Seriously?   
  


Do you prefer gold or cash?  
  
---  
  
* * *

**WitchDude** asked NotTheHawkGuy a question:

I hear you're coming back into town.

      _ **NotTheHawkGuy** replied: I'm not sure for how long. Loki's suddenly in desperate need of a private detective and wouldn't take no for an answer._

 

**WitchDude** asked NotTheHawkGuy a question:

Do you ever get the feeling when you're near him that everything's going to just explode for no reason?

      _ **NotTheHawkGuy** replied: That or catch fire. Or turn into bees. Or turn into bees on fire._

 

**WitchDude** asked NotTheHawkGuy a question:

And you still agreed to whatever it is he's planning?

      _ **NotTheHawkGuy** replied: I agreed to $10000 cash. Whatever he has planned can't possibly be worse than anything I've already done out here._

 

**WitchDude** asked NotTheHawkGuy a question:

You did not just say that.

      _ **NotTheHawkGuy** replied: You're right. What was I thinking? He's going to get me killed._

 

**WitchDude** asked NotTheHawkGuy a question:

He's good for the money, though. David says he's loaded.

      _ **NotTheHawkGuy** replied: Good. He can pay for my funeral._

* * *

**WitchDude** : 

> **NotTheHawkGuy** : 
>
>> **LokiOfAsgard** :  
>   
>  Something has very suddenly come up. I'm afraid I won't be available for breakfast at all this week.
> 
> Welcome to my world.

Bummer. I'd just talked Tommy into coming too.   
---  
  
_**PlusFiveToBling** liked your post: WitchDude: NotTheHawkGuy: LokiOfAsgard: Something has very..._


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just, uh. Pretend Peter Parker is still alive. Yeah.

### Capes. Anon. — Hulk smash!

  
**What ever happened to ____?**

_Anonymous_  
Where did Sassgardian go? For Asgardia hasn't been updated in almost two weeks, which is really strange for him. He's always been an every couple of days kind of ficcer. His tumblr's been quiet too. I haven't even seen any queued posts go by.

>   
> _Anonymous_  
>  Well, like you said. It's only been a few weeks. Most WIPs are lucky to get updates every few months. Maybe he's finally burning out.
> 
> _Anonymous_  
>  Well, I imagine he must have a real life and a job doing something. Writing fic doesn't pay the bills and build cosplay outfits.
> 
> _Anonymous_  
>  If he defaults on CapeSwap, does that mean I can default on writing for him and not feel bad about it?
>
>>   
> _Anonymous_  
>  Oh my god, just default already. You're just making it more difficult for the pinch hitters.
>> 
>> _Anonymous_  
>  Please don't be that asshole that drops out at the very end and sticks the pinch hitter with an assignment they only have three days to write.
>>
>>>   
> _Anonymous_  
>  +1
> 
> _Anonymous_  
>  The last thing I saw from him was on FFA right before the most recent chapter of For Asgardia! went up. He was talking about ordering pizza and having it delivered to Asgardia so he could laugh at the delivery guy trying to figure out how to get up there.
>
>>   
> _Anonymous_  
>  God, what a douchebag.
>> 
>> _Anonymous_  
>  ngl i'd probably laugh too
>>
>>>   
> _Anonymous_  
>  Are you trying to start wank?
>>>
>>>>   
> _Anonymous_  
>  nope :D
> 
> _Anonymous_  
>  Chill out, nonnie. Like others have said, two weeks is nothing. Maybe he switched shifts at work, or got a new job, or god forbid, maybe someone in his family got sick. I'm sure whatever it is, he'll deal with it and come back to writing mediocre fic just for you.

 

* * *

**Kamala Khan**  
It says you're offline, but you're invisible a lot. It's hard to tell sometimes.  
  
I guess not. I haven't seen you in a few days. I hope everything's all right.   
---  
  
* * *

**Kate**

  
  


Are you ready?

  
  
Ready and in position.  
  
Don't.  
  
  


O:-)

  
  
Yeah right.  
  
  


Who do you think would win in a fight? Billy or David?

  
  
  
I don't know. Is Billy allowed to use his magic?  
  


Yes, why not.

  
  
Hmm. I mean, Billy has his magic, but David's got that whole "I know kung fu" thing.  
  
David, I think. But narrowly.   
  


David, really?

  
  
Yeah. I mean, he's got the brawn. And how many times have you been ground into the pavement even with all your magic?  
  


Someone's coming.  
  
---  
  
* * *

### CapeSwap -- Posting Deadline is next Sunday

  
That's right. You have one week before assignments are due. A lot of you have already turned yours in, but for those who haven't, please make sure you submit your assignment to the AO3 collection by 11:59pm EST on Sunday. If you absolutely need an extension, now is the time to ask for one. Please don't ask the day before the deadline. Your assignment will be sent straight to the pinch hitters, unless you have a _really_ good excuse.

**(17 Comments — Leave a Comment)**

* * *

**LokiOfAsgard** :  
  
What do you do when someone recognises you and is really, really angry with you, but you don't recognise them? Like, at all.  
  
           _#so confused right now #not even joking #what the hel just happened?_  
  
 **24 notes**   
  
  
_**WitchDude** replied to your post: What do you do when someone recognises you and is really, really..._   
  


> Who'd you piss off this time?

  
  
_**super-smrt** replied to your post: What do you do when someone recognises you and is really, really..._   
  


> Is this another ex-girlfriend? Dude, maybe you should just keep it in your pants for a while.  
  
---  
  
* * *

**Sassgardian**  
Sorry, I was working. It's been rather busy.  
  
 **Kamala Khan**  
You're such a liar. I liked you. I thought you were my friend.  
  
 **Sassgardian**  
What? I am your friend.  
  
 **Kamala Khan**  
You could have just told me! Why didn't you?  
  
 **Sassgardian**  
Huh? What?  
  
Oh.  
  
OH.  
  
Right. That.  
  
It's not that I lied. And anyway, if I lied, then so did you. That was you, wasn't it? Just two superheroes protecting our secret identities.  
  
 **Kamala Khan**  
You're not a superhero. You're a villain. You're not the only one with an internet connection. I can look things up too.  
  
 **Sassgardian**  
I am not a villain. I was in the Young Avengers.  
  
 **Kamala Khan**  
And you almost got them killed.  
  
 **Sassgardian**  
Before helping save the world. It balances out.  
  
And for what it's worth, those pictures weren't posted by me. Because I know that's what you're thinking.  
  
 **Kamala Khan**  
Whatever.  
  
 **Sassgardian**  
Oh, come on. Let's not be like this.  
  
Did you just sign out or go invisible?  
  
Damnit.   
---  
  
* * *

### All the king's giraffes - FFA Post #203

  
**Well, the Daily Bugle's gonna sell a billion copies today (TW: Loki)**

_Anonymous_  
hxxp://www.dailybugle.com/article/old-threat-new-face-loki-spotted-in-jersey-city.html

I don't even know what to say. I feel violated. This is really fucking messed up.

>   
>  _Anonymous_  
>  Holy shit.
> 
>  _Anonymous_  
>  OMFG I think I'm gonna be sick
> 
>  _Anonymous_  
>  if ao3 ever needed the ability to remove kudos from a fic, it's right now. seriously i'm almost tempted to delete my account just to delete my kudos from his fic.
> 
>  _Anonymous_  
>  I FUCKING KNEW HE LOOKED FAMILIAR.
> 
>  _Anonymous_  
>  Ban him. Ban him from everything ever.
>
>>   
>  _Anonymous_  
>  +1
>> 
>>  _Anonymous_  
>  +10000000000
>> 
>>  _Anonymous_  
>  Ordinarily I'd disagree, but yeah. This guy's sick and doesn't deserve to be anywhere near anybody else.
> 
>  _Anonymous_  
>  Wait, is this LokiOfAsgard or Sassgardian? The article suggests the first, but those pictures really look like Sassgardian.
>
>>   
>  _Anonymous_  
>  Both, nonnie. He's been writing self-insert fic. Because he's not just a mass-murderer, but fucking pathetic as well.
>>
>>>   
>  _Anonymous_  
>  Is he, though? I thought we'd been over this before. Loki is a common name, and uh. The Loki we're all thinking of is dead.
>>>
>>>>   
>  _Anonymous_  
>  da
>>>> 
>>>> Isn't the Loki this article is implying him to be, only twelve or something?
>>>>
>>>>>   
>  _Anonymous_  
>  DA
>>>>> 
>>>>> I know right? I am so confused. None of this is making any sense.
> 
>  _Anonymous_  
>  So.
> 
> Sassgardian is the guy in the pictures in the article.
> 
> DB says that the guy in the pictures in the article is LokiOfAsgard.
> 
> LokiOfAsgard was at one point attached to the Young Avengers. Somehow, he aged like, ten years over the span of six months.
> 
> Sassgardian, aka LokiOfAsgard lives in New York sometimes, and in Broxton the rest of the time, AKA Asgardia.
> 
>  
> 
> Do Asgardians age differently than we do? I mean, aside from really slowly, apparently. Is it common for them to just age up really quickly?
>
>>   
>  _Anonymous_  
>  Maybe he's a magic user.
>>
>>>   
>  _Anonymous_  
>  You know who else was a magic user?
>>>
>>>>   
>  _Anonymous_  
>  There's no proof that Sassgardian/LokiOfAsgard is that Loki.
>>>>
>>>>>   
>  _Anonymous_  
>  DA
>>>>> 
>>>>> You'd think someone who shares a name with a mass murderer would want to distance himself from that image as much as possible.
>>>>> 
>>>>> But look at him. He's got those leather gloves and he's even wearing horns. That's pretty close to you-know-who's signature look.
>>>>>
>>>>>>   
>  _Anonymous_  
>  Horns are way too small.
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>   
>  _Anonymous_  
>  So?
> 
>  _Anonymous_  
>  Guess who hasn't turned in their CapeSwap assignment yet.
> 
> Guess who's not going to, blacklist be damned.
>
>>   
>  _Anonymous_  
>  I don't blame you. Not in the least.
>> 
>>  _Anonymous_  
>  I bet the mods will probably let you participate next round, considering the circumstances.

* * *

**Kate**

  
  


I am going to kill him. Stop me.

  
  
What?  
  
  


Parker is a dead man.

  
  
Loki, you don't mean that. Stay right where you are. I'll be right over.  
  
We're going for breakfast. Just the two of us.  
  
  


Can we rob the place when we're done, at least?

  
  
No, I've changed my mind. We're ordering pizza from your place.   
---


	7. Chapter 7

**Sassgardian**  
Hey, got a minute?  
  
Or not. Okay. That's fine too.  
  
  


* * *

  
  
**WitchDude** asked LokiOfAsgard a question:  
  
So what was up with Kate? She said you paid her just to spend all night in some warehouse.   
  
      _ **LokiOfAsgard** replied: I found out who our mystery cape is. Which was what I'd been hoping to do, so in that regard, the mission was a complete success._  
  
  
**WitchDude** asked LokiOfAsgard a question:  
  
I've known you long enough to know how to read between your lines. What really happened?  
  
      _ **LokiOfAsgard replied** : In finding out, I may have irreparably damaged one of the few honest friendships I have. Turns out, a lot of Midgardians are Anti-Loki. Who knew?_  
  
  


* * *

  
  


### BEEEEEEEEEEEEEES - FFA Post #204

  
**Cape Swap!**   
_Anonymous_  
Fics and authors have all been revealed! What did you get, nonnies? If you didn't participate, show me your favourites! 

> _Anonymous_  
>  PlusFiveToBling wrote mine omg! Now I feel like the comment I left on the fic isn't worthy. 
>
>> _Anonymous_  
>  Nonnie, I'm sure the comment you left was just fine  
>    
>  _Anonymous_  
>  I wrote for her, and she loved it! I feel validated, meme!
> 
> _Anonymous_  
>  The Cap/Iron Man one is really, insanely good.  
> 
>
>> _Anonymous_  
>  Which one? There are two.  
> 
>>
>>> _Anonymous_  
>  The one where Cap was brought back 20 years earlier. I haven't read the post-apocalyptic one yet.
> 
>   
>  _Anonymous_  
>  Sassgardian wrote mine. And it was really fucking good. :(  
> 
>
>> _Anonymous_  
>  He wrote something for me too. I feel gross.  
> 
>>
>>> _Anonymous_  
>  Same here. D:
>> 
>>   
>  _Anonymous_  
>  :( Nonnie. They didn't send out a pinch hit or anything?  
>    
>  _Anonymous_  
>  They really should have sent out a pinch hit for you, nonnie.   
> 
>>
>>> _Anonymous_  
>  I'm writing a treat right now  
> 
>>>
>>>> _Anonymous_  
>  That is so sweet. I'm thinking about doing the same thing.
>>> 
>>>   
>  **capeswap_mod**  
>  Hi, I know this community is supposed to be anonymous, but I'm posting logged in so there's no doubt where this comment is coming from. Myself and my co-mods saw the Daily Bugle article the same time everyone else did. It happened at an awkward time for us, but the decision we made was one that had several hours of Skype conversations behind it.  
>    
>  Ultimately, we decided that since there is no concrete, physical evidence that Sassgardian is who people are speculating he is, there was nothing we could do. He completed his assignment on time, and even wrote a few treats. As far as the rules for the exchange go, Sassgardian is in good standing, and banning him based on a rumour would not be fair. It's not usually in our policy to ban members from participation for activity that happens outside of the exchange, but the moderation team have all unanimously agreed that a circumstance like this, if proven true, would be grounds for immediate removal from the exchange. But as it stands, there is no proof. Nor will we accept submissions of proof without credible, documented sources. But we will not ban on rumour and speculation. In trying to be the people Captain America knows we can be, we will not punish someone for a crime we cannot prove they committed. I know this may be difficult for some people, but we felt that if we did ban him from participation, and were later shown to be wrong in that decision, the damage to reputation as a moderating team and as a long-standing fic exchange would be forever tarnished.  
>    
>  It was not an easy decision to make, but this is the decision we made, and we will all stand by it. If, in the future, Sassgardian does participate in another round, we can only do our best to make sure he continues to follow the rules of the exchange. So far, he has not caused any problems, and we would appreciate if that same respect were extended for the duration of this round. There have already been several comments left on his works, which we cannot do anything about, save report them to AO3's abuse team. We do not, and have never required anyone to leave comments on fics in this exchange, and we ask now that unless you have something to say about the fic itself, to refrain from commenting on his submissions.   
>    
>  Thank you all for your understanding  
>    
>  Cape Swap Mod Team  
> 
>>>
>>>> _Anonymous_  
>  No  
>    
>  _Anonymous_  
>  I see where you're coming from with this, but he really should be banned. Can you at least remove his fics from the collection?  
> 
>>>>
>>>>> _Anonymous_  
>  +100000
> 
>   
>  _Anonymous_  
>  How about we talk about some actual Cape Swap fic? Has anyone read through all of Swiftly Beating Heart yet?  
> 
>
>> _Anonymous_  
>  No, I'm still about halfway through. How the hell does someone write 160,000 words in two months?

  
  


* * *

  
  
|  **PlusFiveToBling**

> **NotYourBarista**
>
>> **PlusFiveToBling**  
>  _Read More_
> 
> Aw man. Is that what's been going on with you lately?

It feels like I've gone through a terrible break up. Or at least what I think a terrible break up would feel like. I don't even know. It's just terrible.  
---  
  
  


* * *

  
  
**deconsecr8or**

> **Sassgardian**  
>  AD &D night! With added gryphon for realism!

i really hate you sometimes  
---  
  
  


* * *

  
  


**Kate**

  


Why does it always rain whenever you have to sit outside watching someone for hours?

  
  
I know, right! What is that?  
  


Does it rain in LA?

  
  
Only when I have to sit outside and watch someone for hours.  
  


Maybe if I throw a rock at these people, something interesting will happen.

  
  
No, don't throw a rock at them. You do not want that.  
  
You threw the damn rock, didn't you?   
  


* * *

  
  


**Bruuuuuuno**

  


HELP!

  
  
What?  
  
Kamala, what's going on?  
  


Supervillains and wannabe villains and omg

  
  
Kamala???  
  
Where are you?  
  
KAMALA  
  
!!!!!  
  
  


* * *

  
  


### Capes. Anon. - Your friendly neighborhood splat

  
  
**hxxp://fail-fandomanon.dreamwidth.org/88798.html?thread=38927429#32927492**  
  
_Anonymous_  
I know we don't talk about FFA here, but have you guys seen this? The Instagram link will seriously blow your mind.  
  
TW: Loki  


> _Anonymous_  
>  I am so confused. What the fuck is even going on anymore? Someone please explain this to me.  
>    
>  _Anonymous_  
>  Are we certain this isn't shopped?  
> 
>
>> _Anonymous_  
>  He's posted selfies with Thor before, which is part of the reason I've always been inclined to believe that Loki is just a really popular (and in his case, extremely unfortunate) Asgardian name.  
> 
>>
>>> _Anonymous_  
>  ayrt  
>    
>  But how do we know none of those were shopped as well?  
> 
>>>
>>>> _Anonymous_  
>  That is a lot of effort to put into something, even for a supervillain.
>> 
>>   
>  _Anonymous_  
>  Yeah, echoing the other nonnies here. I'm pretty sure these are all legit.  
> 
>>
>>> _Anonymous_  
>  I was on the fence for a while, until I found this: hxxps://vine.co/v/eLrttpE99IA3  
>    
>  Either he's got the team behind Jurassic park filming his vines, or that is an honest to god dragon.  
> 
>>>
>>>> _Anonymous_  
>  There were gryphons in a recent photoset he posted to Tumblr. I don't think he'd have time to shop all this AND try to run the world at the same time, AND write novel-length fic, AND build flawless cosplays, AND get arrested with his friends for vandalism once a week, tbh.  
> 
>>>>
>>>>> _Anonymous_  
>  I can't believe people are buying this! This is exactly what he wants! Have you forgotten that!?  
>    
>  _Anonymous_  
>  Nope, fuck him. He's fucking vile and has no place being anywhere near decent people.  
>    
>  _Anonymous_  
>  Is anyone going to comment on the fact that he was still, either way you look at it, writing literal self-insert fic about himself being awesome?  
> 
>>>>>
>>>>>> _Anonymous_  
>  What do you mean was? For Asgardia just updated like ten minutes ago.  
> 
>>>>>>
>>>>>>> _Anonymous_  
>  omg make him stop
>>>>> 
>>>>>   
>  _Anonymous_  
>  NA  
>    
>  Yeah, I was pretty strongly against the Cape Swap mods' decision to not ban him, and now I'm just confused.
>
>> _Anonymous_  
>  SO. This is what I've got so far:  
>    
>  Sassgardian and LokiOfAsgard are both the same person. He's from Asgard, which means he's probably a magic user, which might explain how he went from 12 to drinking age in six months.  
>    
>  Daily Bugle gets a picture of Sassgardian doing something shady in New Jersey.   
>    
>  Loki is known to have been killed during the Siege of Asgard. There were dozens of eyewitnesses confirming the fact.  
>    
>  LokiOfAsgard joins the Young Avengers. It's still unclear what was going on, but there are rumours that he started the thing they were fighting against. Conflicting stories say it might have been Wiccan who started it. The Young Avengers have remained silent on it.  
>    
>  There is no evidence that Loki survived the Siege of Asgard. There is, however, evidence that Sassgardian is from Asgard/ia, and is friendly with the people there, as well as with the people of Broxton.  
>    
>  Sassgardian/LokiOfAsgard regularly interacts with not only members of the Young Avengers, but occasionally with other capes as well. This does not happen often, and usually just seems to be him pissing someone off and getting yelled at for being annoying.  
>    
>  It is incredibly unlikely that any of the above would be friendly with someone who countless times before tried to kill them. I strongly doubt even Asgardians would allow a known psychopath to play games with their children.  
>    
>  All this, coupled with the above post, suggests that Loki still remains dead, and Sassgardian just has an unfortunate name, which may be why he spends so much time hanging out with capes. If anything, I think he probably is trying to distance himself from the image that comes with his name by making a new one. But he should really get rid of the horns if this is what he's trying to do.  
> 
>>
>>> _Anonymous_  
>  This is all really well thought out, nonnie. And I think I agree with it? This seems like a really good round up of all the facts.  
>    
>  _Anonymous_  
>  Even fucking Loki has stans. Sick  
> 
>>>
>>>> _Anonymous_  
>  Oh my god, shut up.
> 
>   
>    
> 
> 
> * * *
> 
>   
>    
>  ♥ **witchdude, noththehawkguy, babbyhulk, plus_five_to_bling  
> **   
>  lokiofasgard What do you do after banishing a ten-headed werecat back to its own realm? 3AM PIZZA OF COURSE! #latenightheroics  
>    
>  **witchdude** I was starting to think you were making her up.  
>  **lokiofasgard** I have other friends. Just because you don't doesn't mean we all have to be lonely.  
>  **supersmrt** ouch, dude. ouch  
>  **plus_five_to_bling** Do we do this every week? If I'm careful, I might be able to make a habit of this.  
>  **lokiofasgard** :D  
  
**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This should have been posted months ago. It was not. I'm so sorry.


End file.
